Finalized. It's Real.

You'll notice on the left side of my blog a picture of a bench. This is the most precious bench in the world...it is the monument that marks the final resting spot of my baby, Reese Marie Coffey.

Skipping several blogs full of information....Reese was stillborn at 12:38am on January 9.

We laid Reese to rest on a Thursday. On January 13, I gave the sweetest kiss I will ever give as Sam, Ryder, and I kissed the side of the most beautiful, tiniest casket I have ever seen.

Soon after Reagan came home from the hospital, people started asking about a monument for Reese. I had thought about it, but had no idea where to start or how I would afford it. But somehow, I knew I would get it taken care of because the most beautiful angel that has ever gone to be with God deserved it.

Finally, on my 4 year wedding anniversary (June 9), I went to the monument company. With the help of my husband's grandmother and my wonderful coworkers, we ordered the beautiful bench that you see on my page. We went on a mini vacation the next day. 1 week later when I visited the cemetery, much to my surprise I found that the monument had been set. I wasn't expecting to see it for several more weeks, so I was so excited and happy.....at first. I took pictures and shared the news with family.

Then, later in the day, it hit me. The final step of my daughter being buried was over. I could have tried to convince myself that someone else was buried in that small plot that I visited. But now it's written in stone. There is a beautiful granite bench that has MY daughter's name on it. It has her birthdate on it. It has her parents and siblings on it. That's definitely my baby. My Reese Marie.

This realization hit me like a ton of bricks. There's no denying it now. I am the mother of an angel. And while it pains me to think about it and I cry nearly every day, I have to make myself be happy that there is a bench for her brother and sister to sit on while they have chats about things that only siblings understand...and perhaps things only angels can take care of. I have to be happy that there is a bench that I can go lay on during my lunch break or after work when I'm having a bad day and hope that closeness to my Angel will make me feel better.

While I know all these wonderful things are true, I can't be 100% happy about it. Nobody should have to bury a baby. Nobody should have to buy their kids monument. Nobody should have to change the flowers on their childs grave. But I have to do all of that. It's my life.

Now you know the end of the story....but you are far from knowing the rest.

God bless!